Shakespeare Sandwich - First Workshop

Our first Shakespeare Sandwich Workshop will take place at Diss Church Junior School on Tuesday 1 November, so hopefully it won't clash with any fireworks...

Our main priority is to enjoy ourselves so please don't be scared off by the words 'Shakespeare' and 'workshop'.  Each week we will learn something really interesting about the Bard (or make it up if it isn't), gently tease him about one of his plays and debunk some of the mystery surrounding performance.

Then in the New Year we will begin to put The Dirty Duck together using everything that we have learned.

On Tuesday we will begin by:

• Trying to remember at least 10 things about Romeo and Juliet
• Learning the offside rule of Shakespeare: The Iambic Pentameter
• Understanding about prologue so that you can sleep through the rest of a play
• Picking an argument with the help of Monty Python

It'll be fun so see you there...

Will and the Agent

In case you were not able to attend the presentation for Shakespeare Sandwich, here is the excerpt that we kicked things off with.  It is unlikely to make its way into the final performance and was just put together in order to give people an idea of what we want to do.  Enjoy...

The Dirty Duck - Excerpt

The scene opens with Will on his laptop, sending an email to his wife Anne.  As he types the email it is projected onto the screen behind him and the content of the email is heard in Will’s voice over the speakers as he reads it to himself.

Will

My dearest Anne Today marks my first year anniversary of looking for a publisher in London and I remain hopeful that I will find someone that shares my passion to take words from my pages and set them upon the stage as the real living, breathing characters that they must one day become.  Without that life spark they are simply obtuse marks upon a page. It is so hard being here without you and I miss the children so much, especially dear little Hamnet who holds a special place in my heart.  While my boss John is kind and always raises my spirits, this is a poor substitute for having my family around me. Yet with all the fine phrases and language that I have at my fingertips I cannot express how much I miss you all and find it quite impossible to end this email. The agent is due at any moment.   So I must say good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. My love always, Will

The scene changes to reveal two men sitting opposite each other in an East End pub called The Dirty Duck in what looks like a formal meeting.  The Agent is a smart suited professional in his forties, sifting through a pile of manuscripts and papers, many of them in pocket folders.  Will is a young man who sits quietly in front of him looking expectantly.

Agent	<Still has half a mind on the papers in front of him as he starts to engage with Will> Hmmmm.… Your writing explores an interesting combintion of themes…
Will	Well, I do like to diversify.  Life is never straightforward and I attempt to reflect that in the stories I write.
Agent	I can see that – you have grouped them as Tragedies, Comedies and er, Histories.
Will	That’s right.  Although some of them are not as clear-cut as that.
Agent	Hmm….  I can see that. Julius Caesar for example is in the Tragedies folder.   That’s a History, surely?
Will	It would have been, but I did take some liberties with the facts.
Agent	Yes, but no more so than with Henry VIII and yet you consider that a History.  Don’t get me wrong, there is a tremendous public appetite for costume dramas, but apart from one slightly messy divorce, you have skimmed over all the juicy stuff.  What about all the executions?  My son learned a poem from Horrible Histories; now how does it go? “Divorced, Beheaded, Died.  Divorced, Beheaded, Survived…”
Will	Perhaps…
Agent	And then there’s “Romeo and Juliet.”  For starters Dire Straits are going to want royalties for the name, but you’re certainly right when you classify it as a Tragedy.  Talk about a miserable ending – I cannot imagine anyone wanting to pay money to see the two main characters top themselves.  Hardly a feel good story, is it?
Will	Draws breath to speak but is quickly interrupted.
Agent	Had you considered giving the story a happy ending?  And I must say that that I am slightly uncomfortable about their ages – we don’t want the PC brigade all over us for promoting under-age, er, relationships.  And the whole Montague and Capulet thing seems too much like West Side Story to me – hardly original.
Will	Well, actually I think you will find that it is the other way around…
Agent	<Ignores Will and carries on> But I did see some potential in some of the other stories.  Titus Andronicus for example seemed to start well.  Opposing king and queen is quite fresh – bit of sexual tension perhaps, I thought.  So I sent it over to Quentin Tarantino and he was, to be frank, horrified.  Turns out that Titus decides to wreak his revenge on the queen by capturing her sons and making a large pie out of them which he then serves to the queen at a feast held in her honour.  Mr Tarantino was, to put it mildly, disgusted.  “When I think of all the fuss they made when I chopped that cop’s ear off…”, he said…
Will	Yes, but the two sons had mutilated the king’s young daughter!
Agent	But two wrongs don’t make a right, do they? Anyway, let us put the stories to one side and spend some time on the poems.
Will	They’re not poems, they’re sonnets.  And I also prefer to think of my stories as plays if it is all the same to you.
Agent	Well, I can’t see how any of them would make it onto the stage, to be honest.  Unless Peter Jackson and all his CGI wizards from Lord of the Rings can lend us a hand then I fail to see how any of these stories, sorry – plays – are going to see the light of day.  How are the fairies and sprites going to work unless they are animated?  You can’t tell me that you’re just going to stick some old thesp in a couple of wings or a donkey’s head and expect an audience to buy it, surely? Anyway, back to these, er, sonnets.  Again I can see that a lot of hard work has gone into them, but not one limerick or funny line in any of them.  I had to work hard to find the so called humour in your comedies but you really should take a leaf out of Pam Ayres book, or Dr Seuss perhaps.  How about: I would not, could not let you play If you tried to compare me to a Summer’s Day… <Is rather pleased with himself>
Will	Well, many of my sonnets are very personal you see…
Agent	…and it may be better to leave them that way.  Also there may be something wrong with your spellchecker – is growest even a real word? I’m sorry Will, er, can I call you Will? Look.  I’m only saying all of this to you out of kindness.  Think of it as free advice – because to be honest any agent who told you that you have a career in front of you as things stand would be leading you down the garden path. There is some potential here and there.  Take Much Ado Do about Nothing.  Certainly Chick Flick material with Benedict and Beatrix...
Will	Beatrice - it is Beatrice, not Beatrix...
	Whatever... but this whole “will they, won’t they” thing going on, I’m loving that.  But then we have another bunch of people ganging up on Claudio and Hero, trying their best to keep them apart and then everyone thinks Hero has died.  Takes the Com out of the Rom Com to be honest.  And what sort of name for a girl is Hero anyway?  She’s not the hero and she is a she and not a he. And while we’re on the whole he / she subject…
Will	You’re going to start on Twelfth Night now, aren’t you?  You don’t like Viola pretending to be a man.
Agent	Well it’s all a bit Puss in Boots, isn’t it? You can’t get a young actress to just lower her voice, wear a big hat and convince the audience that she is a credible man.  When Count Orsino falls in love with his manservant it’s like an old Blackadder plotline.  Why not go the whole hog and call her ‘Bob’?   It’s all rather silly this cross dressing business anyway.  I mean, think about it.  You’re not expecting all your female characters to be played on stage by men and young boys, are you? And while we’re talking <gestures inverted comments> “crossed purposes”, what are these cross garters that Malvolio is convinced to wear?  Ripping off The Rocky Horror Show as well, are we?
Will	But I’m not ripping off anyone.  I can’t explain it but it’s all the other way around…
Agent	Okay, well even if I accept that you’re trying to be original and putting your kinky dress sense to one side, you also seem to be introducing random animals into the plots of your plays.  There is no mention of one anywhere else in the story, yet five minutes into the second half of The Winter’s Tale, look… <Refers to the script> Blah blah blah…  “I am gone for ever”  Then the direction says ‘Exit, pursued  by a bear’
Will	Your point being..?
Agent	It’ll cost a fortune! A bear for heaven’s sake.  Where did that even come from..?  If this is staged – and it is a big ‘if’ – then we have to go to all the expense of renting a bear costume just so it can dash across the stage for what – a second? Then there’s the bit part for that dog in Macbeth…
Will	Sorry, I don’t understand what you’re talking about.  And please don’t say the name of The Scottish Play out loud – it’s unlucky.
Agent	Oh for heaven’s sake – you’re not being all superstitious as well now are you?  How on earth can you promote a play without using its name?
Will	Sorry, you said there was a dog?  I don’t remember writing one in.
Agent	Sure there is – look.  In the bit when Lady Macbeth is washing her hands.  She looks up and says “Out, damned Spot!” Macbeth - History?
Will	Tragedy
Agent	Of course.   Okay, here’s another Tragedy that needs some work.  Hamlet.
Will	<Sighs> Why, what’s wrong with it?
Agent	Well apart from a bladder defying length of three and a half hours, you mean? There seems to be a staggering similarity to the Lion King with the whole “brother killing the king and betraying the kingdom” thing?  The two characters Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are obviously ripping off Timon and Pumbaa.  They don’t sing ‘Hakuna Matata’ but it’s not far off… But that’s not the main issue here.  As if one play isn’t enough, you decide to have another play inside the first one!  How confusing is that?  We’ll have to pay the actors twice as much!  At least when old Harold Pinter put on two plays in one performance he made them short, did it openly and separated them with a decent interval for a strong coffee or two.  He didn’t try and sneak one in while nobody was looking.
Will	I’m not trying to sneak anything in – it’s a device used by Hamlet to expose his uncle’s treachery.
Agent	Anyway…  On the plus side, incorporating all those famous sayings and phrases works really well.
Will	<Exasperated> Such as?
Agent	Well there is the whole “To be or not to be” thing.  Very famous – can’t remember where it is from.  And the “Alas poor Yorik I knew him well…”
Will	Horatio
Agent	Sorry?
Will	It is Horatio.  Common mistake, everyone gets it wrong
Agent	“Alas poor Horatio I knew him well?”  You’ll have to correct that in the manuscript then – that wasn’t what I read.  You have got copies of all of this, haven’t you?
Will	Sure – I use Folio for Windows… So, anyway.  I have to get back behind the bar soon.  Any more feedback for me?  Something positive perhaps?
Agent	Well, I did like Richard III.  All that interacting with the audience.  Very modern.  Very Alfie I thought, breaking that fourth wall and chatting with the punters.
Will	<Looks at audience and rolls eyes>
Agent	The kids will love him – they can all boo and hiss when he comes on stage… So I looked for the first two plays in the trilogy, found Richard II but not Richard I.
Will	There is no Richard I
Agent	Well, nobody is going to pay money just to see Richard III if they haven’t seen the other two, are they.  Plus there is a bit of a stigma attached to the third of anything to be honest.  Shrek the Third, Godfather Part III, the third Star Wars film with all of those nasty Ewoks – they were all stinkers.   Think of renaming it to, oh I dunno, ‘Richard - Reloaded - This time it’s Personal...’ or something…
Will	Well, I cannot say how useful your feedback has been.  Really, I can’t... Thank you - I need to get back to work now cos I’m taking a few hours off tomorrow to meet another Richard - Richard Burbage.
Agent	Oh - dear old Darling Dicky - owns the Globe Theatre, doesn’t he?  Ah, ‘Darling Dicky...’ -  now there’s a great name for your play..